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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



Shell. .Za-Vz-^^ 



UNITED STATES OF AMEEICA. 



LEAP-YEAR 



A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS, 

FOR NINE rHARACTERS. 



By SITS A S. VANCE, 



AUTHOR OF 



■LOUIS CARROL" and "NATURE WINS." 



CHAS. W. FASSETT, 

PI.EASURE AND PKOFIT " PRINTING HOUSE, 

ST. JOSEPH, MO. 



/ 14. 



LEAP-YEAR. 



A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS, 

FOR NINE CHARACTER!^. 



Bv SUSA S. VANCE, 



AUTHOR OF 



^' LOUIS CARROL" and "NATURE WINS. 



I QCT 20 1. 



CHAS. W. FASSETT, 

PLEASURE AND PKOFIT " PRINTING HOUSE, 

ST. JOSEPH, MO. 



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lOiitiTcd accordinn; to Act of Congress, in the year 188-4, by 

HusA S. "Vance, 

In lhi> Office of the rjibraria.n of C^ongress, at Washinston, I). C 



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DESCRIPTION OF COSTUMES. 



Mrs. 'Rosa Vane — First act, handsome morning dress. Sec- 
ond act, hanusoiiie evening dress. Third and fourth acts, 
dishabille with hair in curl-papers; dressing wrapper 
would do, 

Gladys Vane — First act, a short, close-fitting dress of a school 
girl; a Jersey suit -would do. Second act, a short pale pink 
or blue "Mother Hubbard." Hair hanging and curled in 
both first and second acts. Third and fourth acts, a nice- 
ly fitting tailor-made suit of boy's clothes. Hair tucked 
up on top of head under a hat to match suit. Walking 
cane. 

Max Morris-^Gentleman's suit. 

Mrs. Oliver — A handsome walking suit throughout the play. 

Miss Sarah (Boggs—A plain dress in first and second acts. 
In third and fourth acts a dressing wrapper, with night 
cap in part of third act. 



LEAP-YEAR. 



A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS. 



LIST OF CHARACTERS. 

Mrs. (Rosa Vane, a young stepmother. 

Miss Gladys Vane, her step-daughter. 

Mr. Max Morris. 

Mr. Oliver, an old husband. 

Mrs. Minnie Oliver, a young wife. 

Miss Sarah (Boggs, an old maid. 

Mr. (Patrick Vane. -^ 

Hopkins^ a footman. - 

A Policeman. 



ACT 1. 

{A (Drawing (Rootn Scene — Hopkins Trusting Furniture. 
Hopkins (^dusting portrait of a gentleman.) That 'ere is a 
h'object for to move a man's 'art or a woman's either ; which 
it don't touch my lady's feelings, though, enough to keep 
her from flirting around among the men or going on yacht- 
ing trips. What's more, befides, I rather believe as 'ow she 
is a thinking of getting married again, though he (pointing 
to picture) h'ar'nt been dead h'and in his grave but little 
better than a year. I never dust that 'ere picture without 
thinking on 'ow the telegraph come that day sayin' that 
my master was killed in the railroad h'accident, and so 
mangled h'up that we never wovild have knowed it was 'im 
h'except for the valise found beside 'im, which 'ad 'is name 
h'on it. I didn't h'even know the clothes 'ee 'ad on when 
they brought the corpse home. 'Ee h'and the missus 'ad 'ad 
a little row, and 'ee 'ad been away about two weeks. Their 
rows didn't signify nothing though. They were common. 



6 LEAP-YEAR. 



Howsomever 'ee went h 'off that time in little more of a tiff 
than I h'ever seen 'im h'in, and 1 vvouldn't take my h'oath 
h'on it that 'ee warn't a little the worse for liquor, poor man. 
'Ee wasn't brought up h'exactly what h'l should call a gentle- 
man, but 'ee 'ad njade lots of cash h'and was a h'orful good 
master. Lord, 'ow generous he was to h'us with the h'ale ! 
That's why it always touches m}' 'eart and brings the tears 
to my h'eyes to clean that 'ere picture. The more shame to 
his fine lady wife for forgettin' the poor man so soon. 
(Enter Mrs. Vane, c. f.^ with fiowers.) 

Mrs. Vane. Hopkins, have 3'ou finished dusting. 

Hop. Yes, mum. 

Mrs. Vane. Well, you may go now. 1 am expecting a 
caller directl}-. You can ask him in here. 

Hop. Yes, mum. {Exit l.) 

Mrs. Vane, {arranging flowers in vase). After an absence 
of a year and a half spent in London and traveling, I find 
myself once more at home where everything reminds me of 
my lost husband — my poor Patrick — and the little step- 
daughter, whose very existence I had almost forgotten. It 
is an unpleasant sensation to realize that Gladys has grown 
from a child to a good-looking woman during my absence, 
but I must take care that neither she nor any one else real- 
izes that fact for awhile yet. After I am hap})il_y married to 
the man of my choice, then her turn will come to enjoy so- 
ciety, and I must endeavor to secure her a husband as soon 
as it becomes convenient to myself. In the meantime she 
must remain in the schoolroom. Max has begun to take en- 
tirely too much notice of her. 

Enter Miss Sarah (Boggs, l. 

Miss Sarah. I suppose, Mrs. Vane, 3^ou have no objection 
to my plucking a few flowers for the purpose of analyzing. 

Mrs. Vane. Certainly not. Miss Sarah. Any flowers in 
the conservatory are yours except the light pink verbenas. 
I reserve those for my own wearing. They so delightfully 
suit my delicate complexion, you know. 

Miss Sarah. Yes they match beautifull}^, I am sure. 
{aside) She ought to send to Paris for her flowers, where she 
sends for her complexion, and have them equally artificial. 

Mrs. Vane. You can help yourself to any of the other 
flowers, Miss Sarah, though I can't understand what pleas- 
ure you can find in tearing the pretty things to pieces. I 
suppose — ha! ha! ha! science is the only amusfment left to 
a maiden lady of your age. 

Miss Sarah. Doubtless, Mrs. Vane, it is difficult for you to 



LKAP-YEAR. 



understand that knowledge is its own reward and its own 
jastification ; (aside) but I liave not yet found out anything 
about Max Morris. I wish she would mention his name. 

M7^s. Vane {aside). If she were not necessary to me just 
at pi'esent I would send her out of the house fast enough ; 
the troublesome creature ! {Aloud^. Speaking of knowledge, 
my dear Miss Sarah, don't you think we had better put our 
little Gladys to work, and have her study a little more? 

Miss Sarah. That is easier said than done. Gladys is 
now sixteen years old, and ignorant though she be, she de- 
clares her intention to give up her school books. I have 
given her what I consider merely an elementary education 
because she would take no other. She was very oj^stinate 
and studied only such books as interested her. She cares 
nothing for psychological inquiry, nor for philosophical ques- 
tions, nor for any of the sciences in which I delight. It has 
been a great disappointment to me that I have been unable 
to interest her in my more deeply scientific studies and ex- 
periments. 

Enter Gladys., k. 

Gladys. Such, for instance, as dissecting frogs and other 
creatures and examining their parts through a microscope, 
or trying experiments on them with galvanic battery. 
Thank you, I would rather know the poor things from their 
natural habits, and from seeing their delight in their free 
life of the woods. Rose, I am tired of Aunt Sarah's "ologies" 
and "isms." Only this morning she wanted me to study an 
awful book called "The Evidence for Evolution in the His- 
tory of the Extinct Mammalia." Only think of it. It is 
enough to give one St. Vitus' dance only to learn the names 
of her books. 

Miss Sarah. I fear Mrs. Vane that this child has grown 
up into a sad dunce, notwithstanding the advantages of my 
instruction. If she had chosen she might have been as well 
educated as if you had procured all the finest professors in the 
city of Dublin. My labor has been in vain. 

Gladys Not entirely in vain. Aunt. You have made so 
many pounds a year and we have have had a pleasant, easy 
time of it here in our suburban home. I must say it is 
pleasanter now, though, since Rose has come, and brought 
some men with her. 

Miss Sarah. Heavens ! What is to become of such a 
child ? 

Mrs. Vane. It is inelegant to say men Gladys, you must 
say gentlemen. I am afraid that you have seen the gentle- 



LEAP-YEAR. 



men too often lately. What book have you there. One of 
your lesson books I hope. 

Gladys — Nu, it is Ivanhoe, by Sir Walter Scott. A lovely 
romance. 

{Sils on Table and swings feel and eals apple.) 

Mrs, Vane. You are entirely too young to read novels. 
You will be getting your head full of sentimental nonsense. 
It is hardly to be wondered at, Miss Sarah, that the child 
does not find interest in your abstruse studies, but I wish 
you would keep her more in the school room and out of the 
drawing room. 

Miss Sarah (aside). I don't like that woman's tone of au- 
thority. Though she be rich and I poor she need not speak 
to me as if I were a menial. She is jealous of Gladys. 
{Aloud.) Mrs. Vane, I don't think that either you or I can 
compel her to longer pursue her studies. 

Mrs. Vane. If you consider that she has graduated she is 
not much cf a credit to you, with such manners as that. 
Gladys, it is not very lady-like to sit upon the table. 

Gladys. You call me a child. I am not yetalady. \_Hold' 
ing out apple.~\ Have a bite Rose? Have a bite Aunt 
Sarah ? I hope there isn't any scientific name for apples ; 
they wouldn't taste nearly so well if there were. 

Mrs. Vane. You are a very provoking creature. Where 
did you learn such rough manners ? I do believe it is the 
common blood showing itself in her. My poor Patrick had 
his virtues, Miss Sarah, but he also had his faults. You 
know that he was not the most elegant gentleman in the 
world. She inherits her coarseness from her father. 

Gladys (jumping down from table). You shall never speak 
disrespectfully of my father in my presence. Rose. Say 
what you like of me, but his name must be held sacred. If 
you do not respect him as your lost husband, you must re- 
member that he was my dear father. If he did speak with 
an Irish brogue his voice was sweet to my ears. Even 
though he did make his money running a factory he was 
something rare — an honest man. 

Miss Sarah. Don't become excited Gladys. Nobody 
doubted your father's kindness or goodness. We all know 
that he was not exactly an elegant gentleman or a well ed- 
ucated man. 

Gladys. I won't hear you speak so of him, Aunt Sarah, 
though you were my mother's sister. Don't ever mention 
my father's name again. 



LEAP-YEAR. 



Mrs. Vane. Gladys, it is not respectful in j'ou to speak so 
to a lady of your Aunt's age. 

M'l&s Sarah. I am as young as 3-011 are, Rosa Vane. 

Gladys. Neither you or Rose are so terribly young, Aunt. 

Miss Sarah. It is not respectful in you, Gladys, to say Rose 
to a lady of your stepmother's age. Why don't you call her 
mamma ? 

Mrs. Vane. Because I prefer to have her call me Rose. I 
am too 3^oung to be called mamma by so large a girl. 

Miss Sarah (aside). That is because she is setting her cap 
for our handsome young neighbor, Max Morris. I shall 
frustrate her designs if I possibly can. I should make a 
better wife than this fashionable doll baby with all her airs 
and graces, and he would make me a happy woman. As 
this is leap-year, I intend to forestall her and let him under- 
stand the nature of my feelings toward him. He cannot 
fail to appreciate a woman of my superior education. But it 
is necessary to be polite to these two dunces. {Aloud.) 
Where did \'ou get those flowers you have pinned to your 
dress, Gladys ? That blue flower is a very rare variety. 

Gladys. Spare us the botanical name, Aunt Sarah. It is 
only a little innocent wild flower I found. 

Miss Sarah. I should like to dissect and analyze it. The 
round flat edge ; the upper petals perfectly uniform — there 
is a flower that defies criticism. 

Gladys. You may have it, Aunt Sarah — there. I shouldn't 
have the heart to do it myself. It has hurt my conscience a 
little to pluck them from their parent stems and doom them 
to a premature death. 

Mrs Vane (looking at her watch). Would it not be just as 
convenient for you two to talk the flowery language of senti- 
ment and science in the school room ? I have an engage- 
ment; in fact am expecting one of my admirers. 

Miss Sarah (aside). Vain little fool ! She wants to get 
rid of me because he is coming. 

Gladys. Oh, Rose, if it is that delightful Max Morris, do 
let me stay and see him. I like him so much, and know he 
likes me. 

Mrs. Vane. No ; you are too young and rude to remain in 
the drawing room. The school room is the more fitting 
place for a dreadful child like you. Will you take her to 
her studies Miss Sarah? Keep her in the school room for 
the next three months and your salary shall be doubled. 

Miss Sarah (aside). If I marry him, I shall not have to 



10 LEAP-YEAR. 



stoop to receive a salary from her. I hope to be richer than 
she is some day. 

{Exeunt Miss S. and Gladys, r.) 
Mrs. Vane (going to mirror and arranging hair and collar). 
I hope I am looking particularly charming to-day. It is 
time that dear Max should arrive. He is so long coming to 
the point that I must urge him on a little more. He must 
be in love with me as he comes so frequently. Dear boy, he 
is timid and needs some slight encouragement. I have seen 
him every day while we were on the yachting trip and do 
not understand why he has not yet proposed. This is leap 
year. What harm would there be in making love to him a 
little m3'-self? 

(Enter Hopkins, c. F.) 
Hop. Mr. Morris, mum. 
Mrs. Vane. Show him in here, Hopkins. 
\_Exit Hop., c. F.] 
{Enter Morris, c. f., they shake hands.) 

Mrs. Vane. Good morning, Mr. Morris, I am so glad to see 
you. Do you know it has been two whole da3'-s since you 
called ? How could you stay away so long ? 

Morris. I am sure, madam, it has seemed an age to me. 
{Aside) By, George ! I am afraid the woman has been tak- 
ing our little flirtation in earnest. {Aloud) I need not ask 
if you are well! You are looking most lovely this morning. 

Mrs. Vane. Ah, Mr. Morris! But I'd rather call you 
Max. That sounds more like the dear old times, does it 
not, when we used to be boy and girl sweethearts? 

Morris. Yes, I was awfully in love with you then. Boys 
of that age generally do have sweethearts older than them- 
selves. 

Mrs. Vane. But I was a year younger than you. Let me 
see, you are twenty-nine, now. Well, I am twenty-eight. 

Morris. Are you that young? 

Mrs. Vane. You are complimentary. Of course I am that 
young. I am aware that my troubles and grief have made 
me seem to have a greater weight of years. The terrible 
shock on hearing of my husband's death in that frightful 
railroad accident was enough to make any woman lose her 
youth and beauty. {Handkerchief.) 

Morris, But my dear Mrs, Vane — 

Mrs Vane {sobbing). Say Rose. 

Morris. My dear Rose, you look as beautiful and almost 
as youthful as the day when you told me farewell, because, 



LEAP-YEAR. 11 



you said, you were going to be sacrificed to parental author- 
it}' and marry a rich widower to please your father. 

Mrs. Vane. Oh, it was a sad day for me, Max, when I had 
to tell you farewell. 

Morris. I can assure you, Rose, it was a sad day for me, 
too. 

Mrs. Vane (coming qzdte close to him and looking up in his 
face persuasively . ) But it is not too late to be happy. We 
are both free. 

Morris. Yes, thank God, we are both free ! 

Mrs. Vane {laying her head on his shoulder). And I can be 
yours now. 

Morris (confusedly). Yes, you can — that is you might, but — 
(Enter Mr. and Mrs. Oliver.) 
Mrs. Vane shakes hands ivith them at back. 

Morris (coming forivard, aside). What infernal luck this 
is ! I am in love with the girl and here is the step-mother 
making love to me, and getting me entrapped almost before 
I know it. I wish old Vane hadn't been smashed up in that 
lailroad accident. 

Mrs. Vane. My dear friends, I have some good news to 
tell you. You must congratulate my dear Max and myself 
upon our happiness. We have just become engaged. An 
old love-affair of our 3'-outh revived, you know. 

Morris (aside). Great Heavens I did not know that I was 
engaged ! I said a moment ago "Thank God I am free," and 
now, the next moment I am not free. How in the devil did 
she manage to do it ? 

Mr. Oliver. I congratulate you my boy. (Shaking hands.) 
Marriage is a happy state ; isn't it my love ? 

Mrs. Oliver (sarcastically). Oh very! 

Mr. 0. [chucking Mrs. O. under the chin']. I knew she would 
say that, the little darling, duck of a wife. 

Mrs. 0. Mr. Oliver, if you please don't make an exhibi- 
tion of that kind of nonsense in public. 

Mr. 0. Just as you say, my pet, just as you say. \_To 
Morris] She is the most sensible little woman in the world. 

Mrs. 0. [aside]. I can't believe that Max Morris is going 
to marry her. I have heard him speak sarcastically of her 
many a time. I love him so well that my heart tells me he 
must return my affection. 

Gladys. [Enter Gladys, r., bowing to company, shaking hands 
with Morris]. Oh, Mr. Morris, I am so glad to see you. Rose 
said that I was too young to come in the parlor when she 
had gentlemen company. But after you said the other day 



12 LEAP-YEAR. 



that I was the nicest girl in the neighborhood, and that you 
would try to come to see me every day, I felt as though I 
could not stay out of the drawing room when I knew you 
were here. 

Mrs. Vane. My dear Max you must not spoil this little 
girl of mine with such flattery. It would quite turn her 
head. The place for such a child is in the school room. 

Mr. Oliver. Be indulgent to her to-day, madam. She is 
almost a grown woman. I am sure you don't look much 
older yourself. 

Gladys. She is though — she is thirty-three. 

Mrs. Vane. Oh ! Gladys, you're mistaken. 

Gladys. No, I'm not, Rose. Your age is in the old family 
Bible up stairs. Why did you take it out of the parlor and 
put it up in the attic. 

Mr. Oliver. One would take her to be at least under 
twenty-five. 

Gladys, That is because she has so much white powder 
and red paint on her face. You ought to see the pretty little 
boxes of stuff she keeps on her dressing case to make herself 
lovely with. She won't let me use them. 

Mrs. Oliver. Oh that is because you don't need them, my 
dear. You are young and fresh enough looking. Of course 
a woman of thirty-three is not expected to be as innocent of 
face powder as girls of our age. 

Mrs. Vane. I am only two years older than you are, Min- 
nie Oliver. 

Mrs. 0. I am only twenty-six. 

Mrs, Vane. And I am only twenty-eight. 

Gladys. Why, Rose, you have forgotten. I'll go and get 
the family Bible and show you. 

Mrs Vane. Do nothing of the kind you horrible child. 
Go to your room and stay there. I mean to punish you. 

Morris {taking G's hand.) Be calm my dear Rose and con- 
sider that Gladys meant no harm. 1 am sure you would not 
be unkind to her. 

Gladys (sobbing on Morris' shoulder.') She is unkind to me 
Mr. Morris. She calls me a horrible child, and she locked 
me up the other day because I gave you some flowers. 

Mrs. Vane. Come, Mr. and Mrs. Oliver, we will go into 
the conservatory and leave this sniffling school-girl in posses- 
sion of the drawing room, since there is no chance for peace- 
ful conversation here. My dear Max, will you give me your 
arm. 

Morris. Good-bye, Gladys. Don't cry. 



LEAP-YEAR. 13 



{Takes Mrs. Vs. arm. Exeimt Mrs. V., Mr. and Mrs. 0. and 

Morris.) 

Gladys. She has always called him Mr. Mortis until to- 
day. What does it moan? She surely can't want to marry 
him, as old as she is. Oh, if they did marry, it would break 
my heart. I don't want him to be my step-father. I love 
him tt)0 we.l. 

{Enter Miss Sarah, r.) 

Miss Sarah. Gladys, you have been crying. I have often 
told yon that it is very unwise to weep. It not only spoils 
the appearance, but it injures the digestion. The exertion 
of shedding tears draws the blood from the stomach to the 
head, and causes headache, and indigestion. What are you 
laughing at, now, you silly child? You cr}- one minute and 
laugh the next. 

Gladys. Forgive me for laughing at you, Aunt Sarah ; but, 
you do look too ridiculous. You've been putting on some of 
Rose's paint and powder, and why, I declare, you have ac- 
tually curled your wig. 

Miss Sarah. Be off to your room (juick, you disrespectful, 
tiresome child. 

Gladys (aside). Everybody calls me names, and tries to 
separate me from Mr. Morris. I wonder if she is in love 
with him too. Oh that would be a good joke. I shall keep up , 
my spirits. {Singing). "It is better to W laughi-«^ than ><-, 
sighing." {Comic dafice and song or whistling and dancing.) 

Miss Sarah. Gladys ! Gladys ! Where do you learn such 
things? Your want of refinement makes it hard for me to 
believe that you are my sister's child. 

Gladys. I learned it sometime when you had your head 
buried in scientific books. Good-bye old Aunt Encyclopedia. 
{Kisses hand toward door, c. F.) Those three kisses are for 
Mr. Morris. {Exit, l). 

Miss Sarah. What a dreadful child ! She shocks me a 
dozen times a day. 

[_Enter Morris, c. f., shakes hands.'] 

Morris. How are you Miss Sarah ? Where is Gladys ? 
We left her here. 

Miss Sarah. She has gone to her room. How are you, 
Mr. Morris. 

Morris. I am very well in health. Miss Sarah, but 
wretched in mind. I've gotten into a pickle and do not 
know how to get out. If I were to confide in you, perhaps 
you could give me some good advice. Of course all I say is 
confidential. 



14 LEAP-YEAR. 



Miss Sarah. To be sure ; you can be as confidential to me 
as you like. 

Morris. Well, Rcjse and I were referring to old times, 
and when I made some flattering speech to her, she misun- 
derstood me and supposed that I was making love to her. I 
am sure that I intended nothing of the kind; but when Mr. 
and Mis. Oliver eatne she announced that we were engaged, 
and of course I couldn't contradict her. What can 1 do to 
get out of it ? 

Miss Sarah. Rose is a shallow woman, Mr. Morris. She 
is quite ignorant when you question her on science or phil- 
osophy. She reads nothing but the silliest novels. 

Morris. She has no such well-stored mint! as yours, Miss 
Sarah. 

Miss Sarah. Your wife should be a woman of culture, Mr. 
Morris: 

Morris. I don't know that I deserve a very wise wife. 
Miss Sarah, but I do not love RotiC. My heart is in the pos- 
session of another- 

Miss Sarah. I knew it must be so, and that other loves 
you with a deeper love than Rose is capable of, Max. 

Morris. Are you certain that she loves me? Can you 
tell me that you really know it to be true ? 

Miss Sarah {throwing her arms aroud his neck). I am cer- 
tain of it, my dear Max. I am yours, only yours. 

{Enter Mrs. V. c. F., she screams and faints.) 
{Enter Mr. 0. in time to catch Mrs. V. in his arm,s.) 

Miss Sarah. Come, bring her into the conservatory to the 
fountain, Mi. Oliver. There, perhaps, we can restore this 
weak woman. {Exeunt Mrs. V., Miss S. and Mr. 0-, c. f.) 

Morris. Worse and worse ! 

{Enter Mrs. O., c. f.) 

Mrs. Oliver. They are about to wash the paint from her 
silly face. That will revive her. You don't seem to be very 
anxious about her, Mr. Morris. Why are you not more love- 
like to your fiance? Confess that you do not love her. 

Morris. Oh, Mrs. Oliver ! I am half distracted ! 

Mrs. 0. I can truly S3^mpathize with you. • 

Morris. Are 3'ou unhappy too? 

Mrs. 0. I am very unhappily married. 

Morris. There is similarity in our condition. 

Mrs. 0. But you are not married yet, and I can get a 
divorce. Perhaps, after all, there may be some hope for us. 
He is too old for me and Mrs. Vane is too old for you. There 



LEAP-YEAR. 15 



is the similarity in our conditions, Besides we love one an- 
other, do we not, dear Max ? {Falls into his arms. Enter 
Mrs. v., Mr 0-, Miss S. and Gladys, c. f. — Tableau. 

Curtain. 
END OF FIRST ACT. 



ACT II. 

Scene — SchooUsoom, with zvindow, in fiat. A door to the right 

and a door to the left. Gladys discovered lying on sofa. 

Gladys {rising., yawnifig and stretching her arvns), I have 
been locked in the school-room so long that the time hang? 
very heavily. In fact this imprisonment grows monotonous 
and tiresome. Perhaps Rose has relented and unlocked the 
door while I was asleep. {Goes to door at R and tries lock.) 
No it is locked fast, and is as unyielding as her malicious 
disposition. {Goes to door l. and tries lock.) That, also, is 
fast, and the latch grates upon the ears like Aunt Sarah's 
heartlessness does upon the mind of a motherless girl. {Sits 
c.) The}' might at least have left me the cat for a compan- 
ion. She gives me more sympathy than any one in the house. 
If my poor father had lived my lot would have been very 
different, or if my good friend, Mr. Oliver, had been ap- 
pointed my guardian, life would, at least, have been less in- 
supportable. 

{Max Morris puts head in at window.) 

Morris. Halloo, Gladys ! 

Gladys {jumping up), Why, Mr. Morris, where did you 
come from ? 

Morris. From the lower regions, that is, from the garden 
down below. 

Gladys. Bat how did you get up? 

Morris. Brought a ladder from a tree near by. Did you 
think I might have planted a magic bean and grown a bean 
stalk by which I could climb up here ? 
{Sits in window.) 

Gladys. I know that you come into this school-room like 
a ray of sunshine, or rather like the fairy god-mother to 
Cinderella, to cheer a dull, lonely, little girl. 

Morris. I can't promise you any Prince's ball, but have 
brought something better still to a hungry girl. I found out 
from the maid that you were locked up on bread and water, 
Gladys, so I brought you a basket of more agreeable food. 
This is your bill of fare ; a cherry tart. 

Gladys. Mr. Morris ! how good you are ! 

Morris. A dozen luscious peaches! 



16 LEAP-YEAR. 



Gladys. You are, indeed a good fairy. 

Morris. Some crackers and cheese. 

Gladys. Just think of it ! Bread and water has well pre- 
pared m}' appetite for such a feast. 

Morris. Pickles! 

Gladys. This is too much, Mi'. Morris. My gratitude over- 
comes me. I know you are the kindest and best man in the 
world. Pickles! hum! 

Morris. Yes; I thought they were quite indicative of the 
state we have each been in to-day. I was in a pickle this 
morning, and you are in a pickle this evening. {Enters 
thorugh wiudow in flat ) 

Gladys. Yes; Rose said she saw you in Aunt Sarah's 
arms, and I'm sure I don't think that a very sweet predica- 
ment, no matter what you may thing about it, sir! 

Morris. I want to explain that to you, Gladys. 

Gladys. Rose is the one to whom your explanations are 
due, sir. She says that you are engaged to her ; but 1 should 
think that it would be rather difficult to explain away 
everything. We all sayr Mrs. Oliver in 3'()ur arms. 

Morris. Rose be hanged, and Mrs. Oliver too ! You are 
the only one t(« whom I care to explain, Gladys. 

Gladys. You want one more victim, do you? 

Morris. I confess appearances were against me. But, in- 
deed, Gladys, 1 was not to blame, unless a man can be 
blamed for being too polite. It never rains but it pours, 
and the women fell into my arms this morning as if there 
had been a cyclone around in this part of the island, which 
had gathered up a great armful of feminine humanity and 
dropped them in a heap. Ha! ha! ha! I suppose it is be- 
cause it is leap-year, and I am the only elegible man in this 
suburb of Dublin. I don't attribute it to any attractions of 
my own. 

Gladys. I don't consider it a laughing matter. 

Morris. Are you jealous, little girl? 

(Takes her hand Gladys indignantly snatches it aivay.) 

Gladys. Do you think I would be jealous of Rosens flance'^ 

Morris. But I don't mean to marry Rose. I did not in- 
tend to get into an engagement with her. She misunder- 
stood my unmeaning compliments; as did also Miss Sarah 
and Mrs. Oliver. I wish you would make love to me, too, 
Gladys, by way of variet}'. Your style would be different 
from theirs. 

Gladgs. Mr. Morris you are so spoiled and conceited that 
you think every woman who ever looks at you must lose her 



LEAP-YEAR. 17 



heart. You are one of those most detestable creatures in the 
world — a male flirt. 

Morris. Why, Gladys ! I didn't think you would abuse me 
so. Perhaps I deserve it for so thoughtlessly bragging of 
my conquests. I only meant to amuse you in your impris- 
onment. 

Gladys. I am an orphan, only sixteen 3-ears old, and you 
actually have the assurance to steal your way into my 
school-room and ask me to make love to you. 

Morris. It is leap-year, my dear. 

Gladys. You are a horrible man ! 

Morris. Go on, don't regard my feelings in the least. Miss 
Vane. Ma^^be you think a bitter tonic would correct my 
conceit. 

Gladys. The Irish and the English never did agree ver}' 
well. 

Morris. What do yoa mean ? 

Gladys. I was born in Ireland and you in England. 

Morris. Ah, I understand. I can take a hint as well as 
any one. I shall not longer intrude upon your presence. 

Gladys. You can take your basket of goodies along with 
3'ou. I have no appetite for them. 

Morris. Do you hate me so much that you would not ac- 
cept a little present like that from me ? I shall not take the 
basket. 

Gladys. Very well, Mr. Morris, I can feed the 'cat on the 
pickles. 

Morris. Cats have better taste than school-girls; she 
wouldn't eat them. 

Gladys. As I am locked in, and there is no escape, I have 
to submit to being ridiculed in my own school-room. 

Morris. I am going. I shall no longer annoy you. I 
came into this school-room with bright hopes for future 
happiness, but now I leave it a wretched man. Good-bye, 
Miss Vane, I never dreamed that you were a cruel, heartless 
flirt. {Starting toward window.) 

Gladys. I know nothing about flirting, unless I take les- 
sons from your conduct of the past few days. 

Morris. That's right, be as rude to me as you can, 

Gladys {taking seat -M'side of chair and bowing her head on 
her arrAS, which rest on back of chair). I think it very un- 
kind of you to talk to me so {sob). I am a poor little orphan 
girl {sob), shut up here all alone {sob), and 3'ou get angry 
with me {sob), and leave me, when yon know that I love you 
so, too {sob) . 



18 LEAP-YEAR. 



Morris {coming forward and silling on low ollor/ian beside 
her). Why Gladys, darling, do you really mean what j^ou 
say? 

Gladys. Don't touch me. You can't flirt with me as you 
do with the others. 

Morris. I don't care a snap of my fingers ever to see the 
others again in my life. All that 1 care for now is the de- 
light of knowing that we love each other. (Taking her hand.) 
Did you not know all the time, little girl, that I cultivated 
Rose's friendship so as to have opportunities to see you. 

Gladys (raising head). Did you reall}'? 

Morris. And as to Mrs. Oliver,. she is a shallow-minded, sen- 
timental woman, who feeds on novels, and fancies for the 
moment that she is in love with me. It is merel}^ a tempor- 
ary spell, like the measles, that has seized her. She really 
didn't mean any harm by it^ and you don't blame me, dc you 
Gladys ? 

Gladys. No, it was all her fault, the forward creature ! 

Morris. And as for Miss Sarah, I hardly need any exhon- 
orating there. Ha! ha! ha! You could not suspect me of 
feeling any tender sentimentStowards her, except those of a 
dutiful nephew for a maiden Aunt. I would be very glad to 
have her for my aunt-in-law, Gladys. 

Gladys. Y-e-e-s, that would be nice. 

Morris. And I would like to have Rose for my step- 
mother-in-law. 

Gladys, Would you ? 

Morris. And what would that make you? 

Gladys. I don't know. 

Morris. Oh, yes, you do know, little girl. 

Gladys. I thought that I heard some one at the door. 

Morris. Perhaps it Avas the mice coming after your 
pickles. 

Gladys. Wouldn't Rose be angry though if she found you 
here ? 

Morris. As she is your guardian I shall have to summon 
up the courage to go to her and ask for you, Gladys. Do you 
think that she will give her consent to our marriage ? 

Gladys. How can you expect her to give her consent. She 
is in love with you herself and thinks you are engaged to 
her. 

Morris. I can tell her that it was all a mistake, and that 
I am in love with 3'ou. 

Gladys. That will make her very angry. She might lock 
me up in a convent. 



LEAP-YEAR. 19 



Morris. Then there is only one thing to be done. We 
shall have to run away and get married, before she realizes 
the situation. 

Gladys. Oh ! that would be such fun. But how could I 
get out. 

Morris. If you are not still imprisoned to-morrow night 
you can steal from the house and join me just outside the 
gate. If you are still locked in here, there is the same lad- 
der by which I climbed up. You can make your escape by 
coming down from the window. This is m}' plan : I shall 
come in about 9 o'clock and throAv you up a bundle of 
clothes, in which you can disguise yourself. Then you can 
come down to me and off we go. 

Gladys {ju^nping zip again). I am quite sure this time 
there was the sound of creaking shoes outside the door. 
Now, Max, dear^ you must go. 

Morris. It is hard to leave you, Gladys, darling, but Rose 
might catch me here, so I'm off. {^They go to window holding 
hands.) 

Morris {seating himself across windozv). Good-bye, Gladys, 
till to-morrow night. (They embrace.) 

{Enter Mrs. Vane in tim,e to see G. in his arms.) 

Mrs. Vane. I thought I heard a man's voice. Oh, Heav- 
ens ! It is Max. My Max ! 

{Enter Miss Sarah, l.) 
{Morris disappears down ladder.) 

Miss Sarah. Yes, the man you believed to be your be- 
trothed, making love to j'our step-daughter. 

Mrs. Vane. To that child ? Such a mere brat as she is ! 
I can hardly believe it. 

Miss Sarah. He evidently thinks that she suits him bet- 
ter than you, for the}' were making plans to run away and 
get married. 

Gladys. If you have any such knowledge, you must have 
been eaves-dropping, Aunt Sarah. I thought I heard some 
one crouching against the door. Fie ! I didn't think that 
you would do such a dishonorable thing ! 

Miss Sarah, You saucy jade ! Don't talk about being 
dishonorable. Any girl who would have a lover steal into 
her room through the window, has no very fine sense of 
honor. I had just finished reading an intensely interesting 
article in a scientific magazine on "atomised charges of 
electricity conducted into the system by the oxygen of 
respiration." I was beginning an article on "protoplasm," 
which was an answer to one that appeared last month on 



20 LEAP-YEAR. 



"bioplasm," when I thought there was a man's voice talking 
in tlie school-room. I arose and came to the door, to find out 
whom this reckless girl was clandestinely entertaining with 
so little propriety. 

{Enter Mrs. Oliver, r.) 

Gladys. I am very certain that I could never forget my- 
self so far as to make love to a man who cared nothing about 
me, as all three of vou did. 

All. Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! 

Mrs. Oliver. What a horrible falsehood. Mrs. Vane you 
should punish that child. I knew that he was in love with 
me, or 1 should never have thought of flirting with the fool- 
ish fellow. 

Mrs Vane. My fiance in love with you ! How can you 
dare say such a thing ? 

Mrs. Oliver. You all saw him making love to me. 

Miss Sarah. We saw that you had been so shameless as 
to throw yourself into his arms, and what was worse for 5'ou, 
your husband saw it too. Wasn't he very angry with you ? 

Mrs. Oliver. No ; the good old fellow took me directly 
home Avithout so much as uttering a single word of reproach. 
But he is continually silent, I can see that he is suffering. 
I begin to feel remorseful, because he is made so unhappy. 

Gladys. Your husband is a dear, good man, Mrs. Oliver. 

Miss Sarah. Yes, he is much too good for her. 

Mrs. Oliver. You always were a rude, old maid, mam. 
Has my husband been here this evening, Mrs. Vane? He 
had been away so long that I felt uneasy about him. 

Mrs. Vane. No, we have not seen him since he took you 
home this morning. If that was merely an excuse to hunt 
up Mr. Morris, I can tell you that he has just left here 
through the window, where he had climbed to see Glad3'S. 

Miss Sarah. Yes, he is in love with Gladys, and they have 
agreed to marry. 

Mrs. Vane. I am her guardian, and I shall never give my 
■j consent. 

uU ■■ A^i^tl Sarah. They don't intend to ask for it. They have 
planned to run away. 

Mrs. Vane. But I mean to circumvent them. I am go- 
ing to station Hopkins at the gate to watch every one who 
comes in and out from the gate to the door. Fortunately our 
grounds are surrounded by a high wall. You know this 
used to be the site of a convent, and the wall is still stand- 
ing. I can also notify the police to keep watch of the place. 
You might as well make up your mind. Miss, that no escape 



LEAP-YEAR. 21 



is possible. I shall give orders to Hopkins immediately. 
K^Exit R. ; 

Miss Sarah. Perhaps Max Morris is still lingerin-g about 
the grounds. Let us go and see if we can find him. 

Mrs. Oliver. If we do we shall give him a piece of our 
minds. 



. ^^ V * /) [Mxeunt, L., Miss, Sarah, and Mrs- Oliver. '[ JL ' i « 



Mr. Oliver. Good evening, Gladys. I have found my way 
to the pchool room to see if I could not help you in oome 
wa3^ I supposed from what Mrs. Vane just said that you 
were in trouble. On account of my friendship for your poor 
father, as well as my liking for you, you can always count 
on me as your friend, mj' dear little girl. 

Gladys. Oh, Mr. Oliver you are the only friend I have in 
the world — except Mr. Morris. 

Mr. Oliver. And he has been showing his friendship by 
climbing in the window to see you. 

Gladys. Yes; to bring me this basket of food. Rose was 
starving me on bread and water. 

Mr. 0. Was that all he came for, Gladys ? 

Gladys. No, sir ; he came to tell me that I was the only 
woman in the world he cared for and wanted to marr}^, and 
that he had only cultivated Rose's friendship for the pur- 
pose of making opportunities so see me. 

Mr. 0. I suspected that, all the time. It was hardly 
natural that he should wish to marry a woman older than 
himself. I am, myself, realizing the foil}'' of a marriage 
where there is great disparity in ages. Now,- Gladys, if you 
wish me to help you, you must not hesitate to inform me 
what your own feelings are. What answer did you make to 
Max? 

Gladys. Why, we agreed that we were too fond of each 
other to let Rose separate us, and that we would have to run 
away and be married. But how is it to be done, Mr. Oliver ? 
She is going to station Hopkins at the gate to watch every 
one who goes in and out. Max will be unable to come to my 
window with the ladder as he promised, to-morrow night. 

Mr. 0. I will see Max and talk it over with him. We 
can easily bribe Hopkins or get him drunk enough to let 
you out. 

Gladys. You are so good, Mr. Oliver. I am sure we shall 
be everlastingly grateful to you. 

Mr. 0. I don't deserve so much gratitude as you think, 
perhaps. I wish to see Max Morris married partly from sal- 



22 LEAP-YEAR. 



fish motives. Then, no doubt, my foolish little wife would 
be cured of her infatuation for him. 

Gladys. Yes, I am sure she would. She was here a few 
moments ago, and said that she feltquite conscience-stricken 
over giving you pain. She was looking for you. 

Mr. 0. Is that so Gladys? {fRuhhiyig his hands.) The 
dear child; I feel hopeful that I may bring her heart back 
to her loving old hubby. Keep up your spirits my dear. As 
it is hardly probable your guardian will give her consent to 
your marriage, we must manage to steal you away. I am 
going to see Morris. Be on the lookout for us to-morrow 
night when the house is quiet, and everybody asleep but 
yourself. {Starting away, but returning.) By the way, if 
my wife should return, tell her that / said that I was going 
to jump in the water and drown myself. 

Gladys. But that would be untrue, Mr. Oliver. Besides 
would it not cause her too great a shock? 

Mr. 0. No; unfortunately, she cares too little for me to 
be much shocked. Merely give it as a message from me. 
You need not know whether there is any truth in it or not. 

Gladys. Very well, sir. We are regular conspirators. 

Mr. 0. So we are, so we are. Well I'm off to drown my- 
self — more liable to drown Hopkins in brandy to-morrow 
night. (^Exit r.) 

(Enter Mrs. Vane, Mrs. Oliver and Miss Sarah, l.) 

Mrs. Vane. I have given Hopkins orders to watch closely 
every one who enters or leaves our gate, and keep it locked 
at night. So now, Gladys, an elopement is impossible. To 
make assurance doubly sure, I mean to continue to lock you 
in for awhile at least. This school-room door shall be locked 
and the door at the end of that little hall, (pointing to l.) so 
that you will have access to your bed-room and Miss 
Sarah's. She will have a duplicate ke}'. I can depend 
upon it that your Aunt will keep an eye upon you. 

Miss Sarah. Yes, I shall keep two very sharp ones upon 
her ; though I could watch a miserable little slip of a girl 
like that with only half an eye, while the remainder of my 
vision was devoted to my reading. 

Gladys. No roatter what my size may be, I occupy a sj^ace 
that each of you would like to fill — Max Morris's heart. 

Mrs. Vane (rushing towards Gladys and shaking fists in her face) . 
How dare you be so impertinent ! 

Miss Sarah (running toward Gladys and clawing the air). I 
could scratch her eyes out. 

Mrs Vane. I shall soon spoil your face so Max Morris will 
never look at it again. 



LEAP-YEAR. 23 



Mrs. Oliver. Come, now, ladies ; two against one is rather 
uneven. I mean to see fair play. Let the girl alone ! 
(Mrs Vane and Miss Sarah fall back.) 

Mrs. 0. Gladys, some one told me that Mr. Oliver had 
been here. Where did he say he was going? 

Gladys. If I told 3'ou his message, perhaps it might shock 
you too much. 

M7's. 0. Tell me, don't keep me in suspense ! 

Gladys. He said I must tell you that he had gone to jump 
in the water and drown himself, 

Mrs. 0. (dropping ooi her knees and clasping her hands.) Oh, 
my poor, good husband ! 



(Ctirtain.) 
END OF SECOND ACT. 



ACT IIL 

Scene — House and lawn, with ladder leaning against upper win- 

doio. Max Morris standing , c . 

Morris. Phew ! By George, that ladder was heavy ! I 
wish Gladys would come, now that everything is ready. 
Besides I am anxious to see how she looks in the disguise T 
gave her. 

(Gladys appears at upper windoiv in suit of man\s clothing.) 

Morris. Are you ready, dear. 

Gladys. Yes, Max ; but why in the world did you throw 
me such a suit as this ? 

Morris. You are at perfect liberty to say why in the some- 
thing else, now that you are turned into a boy. But is there 
not danger of being detected if we talk ? 

Gladys, No; Aunt Sarah and I are the only members of 
the family who sleep in this part of the house, and she is 
quite sound asleep. Her room is at the far end of the little 
hall leading from the shool-room. 

Morris. Shall I come up and bring you down ? 

Gladys. No, I am too manly to need any help. I can 
take myself down. 

Morris. Well, make a start. 

Gladys. Not while you are looking at me ; turn your back. 

(Morris turns face towards audience. Gladys starts down ladder. 
Comes down first feiv rounds turned one ivay, and then tries the 
next few rounds turned the other loay Morris, suddenly turns 
towards her.) 



24 LEAP-YEAR. 



Gladys (screaming). Oh ! Oh ! Don't look at me ! 

Morris. I was afraid you would fall. 

Gladys. I shall fall, really, if you look at me. 

Morris {turning face to audience). Well, I'll try to endure 
it, but don't be so long. I mean take your time so as not to 
fall. 

\_Gladys comes down remainder of ladder. 1 

Gladys. Thank heavens lam on terra firma. 

Morris. At least you are out of the house. 
[^Turns tmvard her.'] 

Gladys [holding up lace handkerchief and screaming']. Oh ! 
oh ! oh ! Don't look at me ! 

Morris. But Gladys, if we are going to run away together 
how can I help irom. looking at you ? 

Gladys. You must avoid it all you can. 

Morris, Very well. How do you know Miss Sarah is 
asleep ? 

Gladys. I went in her room and looked at her. If she 
had been awake, I meant to merely peep in her door and 
make some excuse to speak to her. She was snoring pro- 
foundly. 

Morris. Did she snore scientifically? 

Gladys. I don't know; but it must have been in some un- 
known language, Russian, Choctaw, or something of the 
kind. I laughed so that I almost awakened' her, to think 
how frightened she would be if she should look up and see a 
man standing in her room, or rather a boy. 

Morris. Our task is only half accomplished, Gladys. The 
most difficult part is to induce Hopkins to let us pass him at 
the gate. He saw me enter alone two hours ago, on the pre- 
text of visiting Mrs. Vane. 

Gladys. He will be filled with surprise to see a strange 
young man go out with you. 

Morris. He is too much filled with Mr. Oliver's brandy, I 
hope, by this time, to leave room for surprise. I left our old 
friend near the gate, armed with a good sized bottle. 

Gladys. Such a plot is awfully wicked of both you and 
Mr. Oliver. 

Morris. In this case the end justifies the means. Better 
have Hopkins a little drunker than usual one night, than 
have my dear little girl locked up in a convent. 

Gladys. Let us be off. We are lingering too long. 

Morris. We have to wait for Mr. Oliver's signal. 

Gladys. Why did you bring me this sort of disguise? 

Morris. Because it was necessary. The police are no- 



LEAP-YEAR. 25 



tified to arrest Miss Gladys Vane. They have no instruc- 
tions as to any 3'oung gentleman who might be seen with 
me. 

Gladys (fnarching up and do-w?i slage). Am I not a heavy 
swell ? 

Morris. I should say you were quite a light weight swell. 
But if it were day time you'd be making conquests of all the 
little girls along the streets. 

Gladys. B3' Jingo! Here comes Hopkins ! 
{Enter Hopking., R , staggering.) 

Hopkins. I say Mr. Mor-morris what 'ave kept you so late ? 
Can't you 'urry h'up a little, so I can lock the gates and gu 
to bed'? 

Morris. Cortainl}', Hopkins, we are ready to go. 

Hop 'EUo! Where did , you pick h'up that little fellow ? 
Didn't bring him in to see Mrs. Vane, did you ? 

Morris. Yes; he came to call with me this evening. 

Hop. Come to think h'of it you did-didn't 'ave no friend 
with you w'en you-you passed h'in at that 'ere gate a couple 
er h'hours ago. You wouldn't 'ave brought sich a little fel- 
low as that 'ere in to see a lady h'of Mrs. Vane's h'age. 

Morris. 1 brought him to see Miss Gladys, Hopkins. He 
is my friend, Mr. Harry Little. 

Hop. You h'oughter to call him Little 'Arry instead h'of 
'Arry Little ; but he did't come to see Miss Gladys, cos she's 
locked h'up, and h'ar'nt allowed to see no company. 

Morris. Well we haven't time to answ-er all your ques- 
tions. Come, Harry, we must be going. 

{Starts to go. Hopkins bars the way ) 

Hop. No 3^ou can't go yet. I've got the- gate key in my 
pocket. Mr. Oliver wanted me to come h'out and take an- 
other drink with 'im, but I was gettin' too blarsted sleepy, 
so I pushed 'im out ([iiiik ati'l l"'kp(l tlie door. Not v(>ry 
perlite in me neither. I'll be blowed if 'e h'ar'nt a fine, 
good, generous gentleman, h'as h'ever was. But 'ow h'about 
this little dude you've got there? I h'aint h'instructed to 
let no such as 'im neither h'out nor h'in. Say^ sonny, h'l- 
h'l h'aint 'card the sound of your voice yet. H'ar'nt you got • 
no gift of gab what some h'ever ? 

Gladys. To be sure, my good fellow : but don't keep us 
standing talking so long. We are sleepy as well as you. 
The sooner you let us out the sooner you will get to bed 
yourself. 



26 LEAP-YEAR. 



Hop. That's sho, that's sho ; but first let me study a bit. 
Where did you come from? Must 'ave grown h'out h'of one 
of them lilies h'in the flower bed, didn't yer? 

Gladys. Do I look like a "Jer.sey Lily?" 

Hop. Well, not presactly. Yet you don't look so very 
masculine neither. Come shake hands with a fellow, and be 
polite like Mr, Oliver was. (They shake hands.) Lord! 
Lord ! 'ow soft and white 'is 'ands is. You must have been 
raised on pap, sonny. 

Gladys. Yes, my pap is so rich that Lve never had to 
work any in m}' life. 

Hop. I don't believe 'e's rich. You h'aint scattered no 
ducats h'over 'ere h'in my direction yet. You see, Mr, Mor- 
ris, I h'aint quite h'as druuk h'as one might suppose, h'arfter 
sheering a bottle h'of whisky with Mr. h'Oliver. You'll 
'ave to prove as 'ow you're rich my young little Mr. Little. 

Gladys. Certainly, my good fellow, certainly, here's a 
piece of silver for you. 

(Feels in all her pockets in vain for money.') 

Gladys (drawing ha7id from last pocket and holding it up). 
It's stuck to ni}^ fingers. 

Morris. What has ? The money? 

Gladys. No, this piece of chewing gum. 

Hop. No fellow that had any sense h'of manliness would 
chew gum. You can't put chewing gum h'of h'on me for 
silver 

Gladys. I hav'n't any change. 1 say, Morris, old fellow, 
lend me a little spondulix until to-morrow. I'll get some 
from the governor then. 

Morris. Why, yes, Harry, my purse is always at your 
service. (Takes out perse.) There help yourself. 

Hop. Take plenty while you're h'at it. H'it may take a 
rrnod deal to get this 'ere key h'out h'of my pocket. 

Gladys (taking piece of money). Thanks, old fellow, very 
much. Here, Hopkins, (giving him Tuoney). 

Hop (im^itating her to?ie). Thanks, old fellow, very much. 
Here Hopkins, (dropping money into his pocket.) Now that 
my little dandy friend 'as been so generous and free, h'I'll 
offer you a treat. Suppose I can be generous, too. 'Ere's 
some segars. Let's 'ave a little friendly smoke. We'll see 
h'if this little dude can smoke as well as chew gum. 

Gladys. Yes, indeed, lean smoke, but I prefer a cigarette. 
Morris have you a cigarette ? 

Morris. Here is one. 
(They light and smoke their cigars sitting. Hopkins on ladder, 
and Gladys and Morris on rustic bench.) 



LEAP-YEAR. 



Hop. I tell you w'at h'l'U do my rich little Mr. 'Arry 
Little h'if you'll give me a gold piecehTll h'unlock, the gate 
and let you and Mr. Morris h'out. 

Gladys. Let us out now and to-morrow I will give yon the 
gold piece. 

Hop. No; I want to see the cash. A bird in the 'and h'is 
worth two in the bush. H'l'm a risking h'of losing my 
situation. 
{Morris gives Gladys gold piece vohich she gives to Hopkins?) 

Hop {looking intently at Gladys). H'lt h'appears to me 
h'all of a sudden like as h'if 'Arry do look uncommon like 
Miss Gladys. You h'ar'nt 'er twin brother, h'are you. 

Gladys. No, I'am her cousin ; but come, give us the key 
this instant. You have already been paid for it. 

Hop. Your 'air is just the same color as 'ers for all the 
world. H'l'U swear its got the same reddish tinge like. 

Gladys. What color was the whisky Mr. Oliver gave you. 
Hopkins ? Red or white ? 

Hop. It was red. 

Gladys. Well, that's the reason why my hair looks red to 
you. It doesn't look so to any one else. Morris, what color is 
m}^ hair. 

Morris. Brown, quite brown. 

Hop. H'lt must have been the red whisky. 

Gladys. Why, of course. If you had drunk brown Dub- 
lin stout, now, my hair would have looked brown to you. 

Hop. Ishthatslio? Ish that sho ? Brown ale's partic- 
ilar good. Wish h'l 'ad some. 

Gladys. Come let us go get some out at the tavern. 

Hop. Would if h'l wasn't sho awful sleepy. 

Morris. Give us the key and we will go and fetch you 
some. 

Hop. No, Mishtei ATorris, h'l h'ar'nt got quite sho drunk 
h'as you think I am. Why, dammish sir, h'l'm strong as a 
h'ox. H'I'd like to see h'if this little dude 'as got any 
muscle. Come, pretty boy, let's rastle. {(Rolls up his sleeves 
and comes toward Gladys with clenched^ fisis. She rolls zip 
sleeves and conies toward hi-in with clenched fists). 

Gladys. I can whip a big cowardly, drunken fellow like 
you easily enough, 

Morris {jumping up). Come, Hopkins, "fight a man of 
your size, and not one so small as he. 

Hop. H'l've got a fancy to whip this dainty little gentle- 
man. 



28 LEAP-YEAR. 



{Takes Gladys by the arm.) 

Morris [sp^dnging forward and clutchi7tg Hopking by ' the 
throat,) How dare you touch her ? 

Hop [backing to ladder and silting down']. H'l didn't touch 
no 'er. H'l touched 'im. Lord, Mr. Morris^ 'o\v you did 'urt 
my throat. 

Morris. Give me the key or I will hurt 3''ou worse. 

Hop. I can't do that till h'l know who h'it h'is you 'ave 
got 'ere that is both a 'er and a'im. I'd lo-lose my situation. 

Morris {clutching Hop. again). I'll make you give up the 
key, and if you yell you will be a dead man in two seconds. 

Gladys Hold him fast. Max, there is a rope. I can tie 
him in a moment while you hold him. {(Picks up rope and 
ties Hopkins to ladder). 

Hop. Oh, Mishter Morris? Spare my waluable life ! 

Morris {still holding him). Hold your tongue or I will cut 
it out with my knife. 

Gladys {tying rope). And then, Hopkins, you could never 
taste another drop of whisky or ale. 

Hop. Oh 'eavens! H'I'll be quiet. 

Gladys. Now then, he is tied. Let us get the key. 

Morris. VVhich pocket is it in Hopkins ? 

Hop. In the left 'and west pocket, sir. 

Morris {taking out key). If you make the least racket, Hop- 
kins, for a half hour after our departure 

Gladys. I'll come back and scratch your face. 
{Exeunt, r-unning. R.; 

Hop. She or ""ee, which h'ever h'it h'is, is jealous h'of my 
beautv, and wants to s{)oil h'it scratching m}^ face. {Screams.) 
Oh, 'Eavens! Murder! Murder! Thieves! Oh! Glory! 
'Elp! 'Elp! 

(Miss Sarah appjears at upper unndorv in night d7'ess and redicu- 
lous old-fashioned night rap.) 

Miss Sarah. Great heavens ! Hopkins, what is the 'mat- 
ter? Whero ai-e the thieves, in the house or out? 
* Hop. The_y 'ave gone m'am. The h'only thing w'at th<-y 
stole was the gate key. 

Miss Sarah. Why didn't 3'ou run after them. 

Hop/. For two good reasons, mum. I had neither the use 
h'of me legs nor me h'arms. The gin took me legs and the 
rope's got me h'arms. 

Miss Sarah. Do you mean that you are tied? 

Hop. Yes, mum ; would you be so kind as to come down 
and give me a little 'elp? 

Miss Sarah. How did this ladder come here ? 



LEAP-YEAR. 29 



Hop. I didn't know there was an}'- ladiler e're, mum. 

Miss Sarah. Why, Hopkins 3'ou must be blind. You arc 
tied to the hidder. 

Hop. So I li'am, mum; h'l h'aint noticed h'it h'afore. 
(Miss Sarah disappears from tvindoiv). 

Hop. H'l mast 'ave been about 'arf blind — blind drunk. 
(Enter Mrs. Vane in dishahile, with hair in curl papers and can- 
die in hand, h. Lights turned up.) 

Mrs. Vane. What is the matter? Oh, my poor nerves! 
Hopkins, what is the matter ? 

Hop. Will you be so kind h'as to h'untie me, mum, and 
then I can talk more free like. 

Mrs. Vane. Oh, my poor nerves! I'm afraid I shall faint. 
We evidently need a man around the house who can be head 
of the family. 

(Enter Miss Sarah, l., in dres-nng gown and ivig instead of night- 
cap.) 

Hop. There 'ave been two men 'ere, mum; least-ways 
there was one h'of 'um a man. 

Miss Sarah (untying him). And who tied you to this ladder ? 

Hop. It tied me to the ladder, while Mr. Morris held me. 

Mrs. Vane, Was Mr. Morris here ? 

Hop. Yes, mum, 'e come to see you about 'arf past h'eight 
o'clock. 

Mrs. Vane. I never laid eyes on him. 

Hop. Didn't you see Mr. 'Arry Little, neither? 

Mrs. Vane. The fellow is distracted. 

Miss Sarah. No, he is drunk. I smell the brand}^ on his 
breath. 

Hop (rising to his feet). No, mum, I h'aint drunk now. no 
matter w'at I might 'ave been awhile h'ago, when Mr. Oliver 
made me — nigh about forced me — to drink so much brandy. 

Miss Sarah. Was he here, too? 

Hop. 'E was h'at the gate, mum, h'aaci 'e fairly poured 
the brandy down h'as sober a man h'as ever lived, mum. 
But h'l got sober, h'all of a a suddint like, w'en they tied 
me and threatened to kill me. 

Mrs. Vane. Who threatened to kill you? 

Hop. Mr. Morris and the female dude of the male persua- 
sion. 

Miss Sarah. Hopkins, are you drunk, still? Try to tell 
us who it was with Mr. Morris. 

Hop. I wish somebody would tell me who h'it was. 'E 
called 'isself Mr. 'Arry Little. 

Airs. Vane. A man ? 



30 LEAP-YEAR. 



Hop. H'l don't know, mam. 'E was dressed like a boy, 
but Mr. Morris told me not to touch 'cr. I h'asked 'er or 'im 
h'if h'it was twin brother to Miss Gladys, 'e looked so much 
like 'er ; but it said it was 'er cousin. 

Miss Sarah. And did she go off with Mr. Morris? 

Hop. She, mum. 

Miss Sarah. Yes, the girl dressed in man's attire? 

Hop. The pretty dude, mum, be it 'e or she, 'ave gone 
h'off with Mr. Morris. 

Mrs. Vane. Do you think it was Gladys, Miss Sarah? 

Miss Sarah. Yes, Mrs. Vane, my mathematical mind is 
quicker at solving mysteries than yours. Besides don't you 
see the ladder? 

Mrs. Vane. Good gracious! Gladys has escaped with 
Max, my Max, and perhaps by this time they are married. 

Miss Sarah. In that case he is not your Max. Let us 
cease talking and act. 

Mrs. Vane. Oh ! what is to be done ? 

Miss Sarah. Why send Hopkins to set the police after 
them. 

Mrs. Vane. Hopkins, go quickly for the police. Offer 
them money for me and I shall pay it. If you succeed in 
bringing back Gladys unmarried, I will line your pockets 
with gold. Are vou certain you are sober enough to under- 
stand ? 

Hop. Yes, mum, my legs i« quite stead}' onced more, and 
me powerful brain h'is h'active h'again. 

Miss Sarah. Don't lose any time. Be off with you. 
(Exit Hoj), R, running.) 

Mrs. Vane [looking after hini]. Run, Hopkins, run ! 
(Curtain.) 



END OF THIRD ACT. 



ACT IV. 
Scene — Same as in third act. Miss Sarah sitting and Mrs. 

Vane walking impatiently. 

Mrs. Vane. It has been a wretched half-hour of suspense, 
Miss Sarah, and has seemed as long as three days. Perhaps 
by this time she has married Max, my Max. 

Miss Sarah. Perhaps she has, only in that case he would 
not be jyoM-r Max. One would presume that Gladys could 
lay the first claim to him. Hasn't that yet dawned upon 
your massive intelligence ? 



LEAP-YEAR. 31 



Mrs. Vane. Oh, Miss Sarah, I am so miserable and for- 
lorn ! We do so decidedly need a man at the head of this 
house. It is a great deal of trouble and worry to me tu man- 
age my money affairs. 

Mhs Sarah yaside). I wish I had that sort of trouble. 
It would not worry me much. 

Mrs. Vane. I hope you don't suppose I would marry a 
man who was in love with another woman? 

Miss Sarah. No, Mrs. Vane, certainly not ; people don't 
generally do what they can't do, 

Mrs. Vane. If my poor Patrick had lived, I might have 
been spared all this trouble. This is terribly trying to my 
poor nerves. Oh, why was my poor Patrick killed ? 

Miss Sarah Most probably because he could not help 
himself; but if you think there may be any other reason we 
might go to a spiritual medium and find out. 

Mrs. Vane. Mr. Vane was a good man, and a good hus- 
band. Miss Sarah, with all his faults. 

Miss Sarah. Yes, he was a very generous man, I am sure, 
though he did speak with an Irish brogue, and his education 
was not the finest in the world. 

Mrs. Vane. Don't say with an Irish brogue, if you please. 
Call it an Hibernian accent. Yes' when I think of Patrick, 
in my present troubles, Miss Sarah, 1 almost believe he 
would be a comfort to me now if he had lived. But there is 
no use in grieving over what is past. If Max Morris is 
married to Gladys, what can I do? By nature 1 am a poor 
dependent, clinging creature. I need a man's strong arm 
upon which to lean; a man's great mindto guide me through 
all the shoals and perils of life. 

Miss Sarah. I rather think you do. The sooner you get 
one the better. You have plenty of money ; why don't you 
go to London or Paris and hunt ? 

Mrs. Vane. And hunt, Miss Sarah ! 

Miss Sarah. Yes, for the man's strong arm and great 
mind. You would have no trouble in finding what you 
sought. 

Mrs. Vane. I think I shall. Yes I shall go to Paris for 
awhile and then to London. As you say, I would have no 
trouble in finding what I sought. I am still a young_ and 
charming woman. But I can never forgive Max Morris for 
overlooking my attractions. If they only arrest him before 
he is married to Gladys, I shall make him suffer. Don't you 
feel so yourself about it, Miss Sarah, since he has played us 
such a trick {pointing to ladder). 



32 LEAP-YEAR. 



Miss Surah. I don't see what could be gained by rnakinp; 
him suffer. If he is in love with the girl we can not make 
him fall in love with either of us ; and that settles the mat- 
ter. I was angr}' at first, but now that I have had time to 
grow cool^ I don't see any reason why we should have sent 
Hopkins to pursue them. As foi me, I liave the force of 
will to forget the pair of silly lovers in a short time. Hav- 
ing my natural strength of character, / need no man's strong 
arm upon which to lean. 

Mrs. Va7ie, What do you mean to do now, that Gladys will 
need your care no longer ? 

Miss Sarah. I have a modest income on which I can 
manage to live in the city, where I can have the advantage 
of mixing in literary circles and attending scientific lec- 
tures. All my earthly interests shall hereafter be centered 
in the cultivation of my intellect. I have already written a 
chapter of my book on the laws of molecular action, which 
I hope to finish this year. You see I shall soon start on a 
glorious career, which will associate me with the march of 
science. 

Mrs. Vane {looking off stage). Who is this alighting from 
a carriage at our gate? Ah, it is Mrs. Oliver. I wonder if 
she is still seaching for her husband ? 

Miss Sarah. Perhaps so. Sh« is another one of the weak 
women who think it necessary to have a man's strong arm. 
{Enter Mrs. Oliver, r.) 

Mrs. Oliver. Mrs. Vane, is my husband here ? 

Mrs. Vo.ne. No, Mrs, Oliver; but he has been here at our 
gate to-night. 

Mrs. 0. Yes, I have been told by the police that he was 
seen at your gate, so I entered my carriage and drove here 
immediately, hoping to find him in j^our house. This has 
been a terrible night of suspense. 

Miss Sarah. Why not ask the whereabouts of Max Morris 
instead of Mr. Oliver. 

Mrs. Oliver. Because the anxiety of this night has taught 
me where my heart belongs. 

{Enter Mr. Oliver., R.) 

Mrs. Oliver {riinning to hir/i and embracing him). Oh, my 
dear husband, I am so glad to see you ! You are not drowned, 
are you ? 

Mr. Oliver. No, I hardly think I am. But, although I 
am not dead, I almost believe I am walking in my sleep. I 
feel as if life were strangly unreal. You never were so af- 
fectionate to me before. 



LEAP-YEAR. ^^ 

Mrs Oliver. Because I never knew till now where to find 
my own happiness. What a fright you have given me. 1 
have suffered quite as much as you, I know. 

Mr Oliver (kissing her forehead and patting her cheek), it s 
the best and sweetest and loveliest little wife in the world. 
I believed all the time that her affections would soon return 
to her devoted old hubby. , 

Miss Sarah (aside). When will this nauseous scene be 

""^^Mr^ Va?ie. Now, Mv. Oliver, if you are through with your 
reconciliation, I would like to be informed what has become 
of my step-daushter and ward? You are in a measure re- 
sponsible for her disappearance. I am very angry with you 
and hold you to account for the part you have taken m tins 

^ M^r OzLn'"' What can be gained, madam, by holding me to 
account now ? "There is no use in crying over SP^I^ miik 
I considered that I was doing a kind f^tion to help that 
poor girl to a good husband. I knew and liked her_ father, 
and felt sorr)^ for her, and did gladly help to deliver her 
from a very trying life in this houxse. _ 

Mrs Vane, Your insinuations are insulting, sir. 
Mrs. Oliver {looking of stage). I see some one coming m 
the gate It is a policeman bringing a man and a boy. 
Mrs. Vane. A bov ! That must be Gladys. 
Mrs Sarah (looking off stage). Yes, it is Gladj^s. 
Mr^. Oliver to Mr. Oliver. Have they gone mad ? i see only 
a boy and a man, who looks like Mr. Morris, and behind 
them a fellow who looks like Hopkins. _ 

Mr. Oliver. The boy you see coming is Gladys, my pet. 
Something has gone wrong. ^, .,^^ 

Mrs. Oliver. Good gracilis? They all talk as if they were 
beside themselves, even my husband. 

Mrs. Vane (calling). Gladys, you awful girl, are you mar- 
ried "i* 

(Enter a 'policeman, bringing Gladys^ and Morris, with the assist- 
ance of Hopkins, r.) 
Mrs Vane. Answer me, you miserable, shameless creature, 
are you married ? . . -^i r^„ 

Gladys. No ; your spies and emissaries were too quick tor 
us, and arrested us on our way to the priest's house. 

Mrs Vane. Thank heaven ! I have you m ray power again. 
So you were going to be married in that sort of a garb, were 
YOU? Don't vou feel ashamed of yourself ? 

Gladvs. Not in the least. This would make a jolly wed- 



34 LEAP-YEAR. 



ding dress. You would be glad enough, yourself, to be mar- 
ried to a fellow who looked as well as I do. 

Mrs Vam {to Morris). And you, sir, were willing to 
marry this pert young minx? 

Morris. I not only was willing, but that is still my posi- 
tive intention. You have triumphed temporarily, madam, 
in separating us, but your triumph is not by any means 
final, We will continue faithful to each other, Gladys, and 
watch and wait for our chance to be reunited. 

Gladys. Yes, you can depend on me, dear Max. This 
"lark" to-night has taught me how much latent force of 
character I had. {To Mrs, Vam and Miss Sarah.) I am a 
dangerous fellow to "nionkev" with. I am equal to the "Boy 
Pirate of the Black Tiger Ship," or "The Young Hero of the 
Wild West— The Terror of the Demon Red Skins." I am as 
awe-inspiring as a survivor of an artic expedition from the 
Cannil)al Isles. 

Miss Sarah. Oh, horrors ! What an awful girl I have for 
a niece. Gladys, I disown you. 

Gladys. Do you? Oli how grateful I am ! Rose, can't 
you manage to disown me, too? Let me take myself and 
my money and my lover out of your hands and go. 

Morris. As for me, I am not in her hands, and never was. 
May I ask. Madam, why you had me arrested, and why you 
keep this policeman standing here to guard me? You could 
recover your ward, but you had no right whatever to cause 
ray arrest. 

Gladys. It was done out of consideration for us. Max, so we 
would not have to be separated. 

Hopkins. H'l h'ai'rested the gentleman mum. H'and h'it 
was h'only through my waluable h'assistance that h'either 
h,of 'em was h'apprehended. You won't forget me reward, 
mum? This h's my prisoner. (Laying hand on Morris' 
shoulder.) 

Morris {striking off Hopkins' hand.) Hands off, you mercen- 
ary scoundrel. 

'Mrs. Vane I had no right to cause your arrest, Mr. Mor- 
ris, and I gave no such orders. I mean to have my revenge 
for your perfidy, but that must be postponed several days. 
( To policeman.) I offered a reward for the capture of my ward. 
You can go now, if you please, and come to-morrow^ morning 
to receive your pay, {(Policeman removes hat and bows in ac- 
knowledgetnent. Exit, R.) 

Gladys. "A reward for the capture of my ward!" ha! ha! 
ha ! one would think that I was a dangerous wild beast es- 



LEAP-YEAR. 35 



caped from its keepers in the menagerie. Though this house 
probably did somewhat resemble a menagerie when my escape 
was discovered. Rose, were there howls of rage? 

Mrs. Vane. There may be when I lock you up again 
Gladys. Aunt Sarah, I would have bidden you an affection- 
ate farewell, but you were snoring so eloquently, I had'nt the 
heart to interrupt you. (Embr-aces and kisses Miss Sarah ) 
Now you can experience the novelty of having a man to hug 
and kiss you, with a little help of the imagination. 

Miss Sarah. (Tushing her away.) Don't touch me. lam 
willing to see you marry that heartless young man. You 
suit each other capitally. Perhaps he admires yourunmaid- 
enly style of independence 

Morris. I admire everything she does, raadame, especially 
when it is all for love of Max Morris. 

Gladys. I only wish I were a boy, and I'd show you all 
how independent 1 could be — No, I shouldn't like to be a boy 
either, I forgot about Max. 

Mrs. Vane. You seem to have forgotten all sense of woman- 
liness. If you had any regard for your reputation 

Mr. Oliver. Excuse me, Mrs. Vane, you are the one whose 
duty it is to guard your ward's leputation. You should not 
liave interfered with their marriage. After the escapade of 
to-night, you surely must understand that the sooner you al- 
low their marriage to take place the better it will be for the 
good name of your step-daughter. 

Morris. What objection can be brought against me? My 
habits are good, my descent is aristocratic, and my fortune 
is fair. 

Mrs. Vane. You think my feelings in the matter should 
not be considered in the least. I have been wronged. 

Mrs. Oliver. Do forgive and forget, Mrs. Vane, and consent 
to their marriage. See how my dear husband has forgiven 
my vagaries. There is an example for you. 

Mrs. Vane. lean never forgive Max Morris for his perfidy. 

Gladys. The difference is, you see, Mrs. Oliver, that you 
have got the man, but Rose is left without any. 

Mrs. Vane. You shall suffer for such insulting speeches. 

Miss ; and Max Morris shall also suffer. Your engagement 

to me was announced publicaly, Mr. Morris, and you received 

congratulations. I intend to sue you for breach of promise. 

(Enter Patrick Vane, c.) 

^at. Vane. Go it asy, go it slow me darlint. A woman 
can have only one husband in this paceful counthry. 



36 LEAP-YEAR. 

Mrz. Vane. Merciful heavens! It is Patrick Vane or his 
ghost, {rum-ling fro-m stage, L. screavyiiiig) Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! 

^at. Vane. Divil a bit of a ghost am oi^ begorrah. Come 
back to the arrums of ye poor ould Pathrick. Don't be afeard. 
{Enter Mrs. Va^ie, L. She re'/nains standhzg near entrance 
quaking with fear.) 

'Pat. Vane. How are ye, Mrs. Oliver. How arc ye Oliver, 
auld b'y. (Shaking hands.) Roight substantial corrupse 
aint oi. While ye was all a'burryin' of me in the churrch 
yard, I wus thravelin' about for me health and to soothe me 
feelin's, because me and Rose had had a little shindy 'o wor- 
ruds, and had parted unforgivin' loike. I must say this is 
not altogither a cheerful reciption to me home. Ye all seem 
afeard and unpleasantly surprised loike. 

Jlfiss Sarah (coming forward and shakiug hands). I am 
glad to see you Mr. Vane, I, at least, am not afraid of you. 
.My mind is more active than that of the others and can take 
in the situation more quicicly. 

Tat. Vane. Och, Sary, me dear. _ve always did have more 
nerve than most women, or men either. Oi let Rose burry 
me frind that was killed instead li" me own corrupse. Oi 
thought if oi stayed away awhoile her feelins would be soft- 
ened towards me, and she would forget and forgive. Be aul 
the saints in hiven, I belave its meself she's forgot. 

Gladys (stepping forward). I am more glad to see you than 
any one, dear father ; but at first I was too startled to speak. 

'Pat. Vane Git out wid ye, ye impidint boy. Do ye think 
dat I don't know an imposthor? I niver had a son in me loif 
unless he's born sense me absence in the last fifteen months; 
in that case, me infant, ye must have growed powerful fast. 

Gladys. Oh, father ! 

Pat. Vane. Don't "0 father" me an' oi won't father you. You 
can't play no confidence game on Pathrick Vane, Git out o' 
me way, will ye, young man? Come, Rose, don't be afeard. 
Put a smoile on ye charmin' lips, and make belave to give a 
welcome to yer ould husban', and if we can't be reconciled, 
I'll jist kiss me little choild, Gladys, see that she is well pro- 
vided for, and go thin back to me thravels. 

Mrs Vane (running jorward and throwing her arms around 
Mr Vane's neck). I don't need to make believe to bs glad to 
see you, Patrick. I was frightened at first — you know how 
weak my nerves are — because I had thought of you as in 
heaven during the last fifteen months. Miss Sarah is my 
witness that I said, not an hour ago, "If my poor Patrick had 
lived what a comfort he would be to me noAv," and that we 
certainl}^ needed a man at the head of this house. 



LEAP-YEAR. 37 



(Pat. Va7ie. Amoi the man, ineself, that is needed at the 
head of this house; that's the question. 

Mrs Vane. Yes, indeed ; I'm sure I'm glad you're not 
dead, that is, I mean, that you've come home. 

Mr. Oliver. How did the strange mistake about your death 
oecui, Mr. Vane? 

'Pat. Vane. It was the gintleman sitting bisoide me in the 
car whose head and face were smashed up entoirely. Oi was 
only kilt wid fear, but oi crawled out o' the wreck and left me 
valise behind, becos'it was caught in among the broken sates 
o' the car. Oi wint on to the nearest city wid the survoivers, 
and left me valise to be owned by the other dead man. He 
was identifoid for Pathrick Vane and faith when oi read it in 
the news-papers oi didn't know whether oi was dead or alive. 

Mrs. Vane. You should have thought of the anguish the 
news caused me. 

Gladys. You should have thought of your forlorn little 
Gladys. 

Pat. Vane. Yes, I did think of me darlint little Gladys, and 
oi would have wept me heart out thinkin' o' her, if I hadn't 
nearly split me soides laughin' to think how glad Rose 
might have been for the chance to get a young handthome 
husband in moi place, I was thinkin' all the toime what a 
foine, handthome, rich widdy she was makin'. He ! he! he ! 

Mrs. Vane. 0, Patrick ! You might have known that I 
didn't want an}^ husband but you. 

Pat. Vane. Well, oi thought oi'd give ye a chance to enj'y 
yeself a bit widout ye Pathrick, so, as oi had me pockets full 
o' money, oi skipped off to thravel around the worruld and 
improve meself. Whin me money was about to give out, I 
began to sing "what's the worruld to a man whin his wife is 
a widdy ?" So here I am, albeit ye hev hurried me in the 
churruch yard— where I seen me tombstone the day. 

Gladys {to Morris). It would grieve me that he does 
not recognize me if I were not so overjoyed at his return. 
Isn't he a dear, delightful, jolly father? 

Morris. Yes, indeed ; he will set all our troubles right. 

Pat. Vane. But where is me choild. Rose — me bright-eyed 
little Gladys ? Not seeing her face hera, I'm almost afeard to 
ask. 

Gladys (stej^ping up to Mr Vane). Here I am, father, long- 
ing to hug you like a bear. 

Pat. Vane. Yis, it would be a sort o' bearish hug, least- 
ways uncivilized, begorrah, for two men to hug one another. 
Will somebody take this crazy little dude to the lu-7ia^ic 
assylum ? 



38 LEAP-YEAR. 



(Gladys steps back and rests her head upon Morris' shoulder.) 

Pat. Vane. I say, where is me choild Rose ? Faith and 
can't somebody spake ? 

Mrs. Vane {pointing to Gladys.) There is your child. 

Fat. Vane (looking around at the others.) Can't somebody else 
tell me the thruth ? 

All the others (pointing to Gladys.) There is your child. 

Fat. Vane (putting his hand to his head.) Are the}' all gone 
mad, or am oi dhrunk ? 

Gladys (coining fonvard again). I am Gladys, father. Look 
in my face, and recall my voice. 

Fat. Vane. Oh, go long wid ye ! Don't be.pla3an' av tricks 
on an auld man, Would ye be persuadin' av me that me 
Gladys was a b'y ? 

Gladys (taking off hat and dropiping long hair on shoulders), A 
divil a bit av a b'y amoi, father, but jistyeown little gurrel, 
Gladys. Won't you belave mo and kiss me? 

Fat. Vane. Well I never kissed a b'y afore in me loife; but 
I'll have to take ye on thrust for a gurrel. 
( They embrace.) 

Gladys. If ye can't take me own worrid and testhimony 
for it, ask Max Morris there. He it is will tell ye that he 
was going to run away wid me an' marry me. That's the 
rason whoi oi'm a "wearin' the breeches." 

Fat. Vane, Well that jist settles the matther. If Max 
Morris could take ye for a wife, begorrah, oi can take ye for 
me darter. Come here Max and shake hands wid ye auld 
frind, [they shake hands']. Now tell me phat ivas the rason ye 
wanted to run away wid me Gladys. 

Morris. Because it was the only way I could get her. Her 
step-mother objected to our marriage. I threw that suit of 
boy's clothes in the window to Gladys, she came down that 
ladder to me, and we ran away. If Hopkins and the police 
had not caught us and brought us back, awhile ago, we'd 
have been married by this time. 

Fat. Vane. So oi jist come home in tiome to fall into a pretty 
kittle o' fish where ye was all a bilin' uptogither and knock- 
ing heads. I hope, Rose, ye have been good to me little 
Gladys. 

Gladys. Yes, yes, father, Rose and I got on beautifully 
together, because she was away all the time until the last ten 
days. 

Pat. \ane. I hope ye aunt Sary was kind to ye. Sary, I 
thrusted to ye takin' care o' me little gurrel. 



LEAT-YEAR. 39 



3Iiss Sarah. I have been her governess and have tried to 
give her a good edur-ation. She would not take much inter- 
est in psychological research, nor in scientific investigation. 
In philosophy, nor antropology, nor biology, nor in entoniol- 

Fat. Vane. Oh, the saints in hiven save us, oi should think 
not, indade. Gladys, was ye aunt Sary good to ye? 

Gladys. Well — ye-s, prett}' good, most alway sometimes, 
wlien she let me alone. 

Pat. Vane. Sary, me dear, I intend to buy ye an annooity. 
becos ye was considerate an koind to me darter. 

Miss Sarah. Oh, thank you, Mr. Vane, you always were 
the most generous man in the woild. 

Pat. Vane. Faith an' don't be a flatterin' o' me vanity, now, 
and givin' me blarnev, Sary. But phat for did Gladys run 
away and git married to-night, Rose? What objecshin is it 
ye have to the weddin'? 

Mrs. Vane. I thought Gladys was too young; but now 
that we have a man at the head of this house, of course, it is 
for you to decide whether to give her awaj'. 

Gladys. I was so valuable, father, that Rose did not like to 
take the responsibility of giving such a treasure to Mr. Mor- 
ris. She thought he might manage to get along with a more 
inferior woman. Indeed, I think she had one picked out for 
him. 

Mrs. Vane. But, my dear Gladys, I withdraw all sugges- 
tions and objections that I once made. 

Gladys. You may be sure, my dear Rose that the name of 
the lady you once suggested for Mr, Morris shall never be men- 
tioned. Mr. Morris will consign her to oblivion. 

Morris. Most certainly. And now, Mr. Vane, I ask your 
consent to our marriage. 

Pat. Vane. Oliver, auld b'y, do ye know any objecshin to 
Morris? 

Mr Oliver. None, w^hateverj He is the very man, of all in 
the world, I would like to see Gladys marry. 

Pat. Vane. With such a char-ac-ter as that. Max Morris, 
given to ye by me best frind, I say take the gurrul, or b'y. 
wdiichiver ye choose to call her, and may the Lord have mercy 
on ye sowl — I mane may the saints bless ye both foriver. 

Gladys. To-morrow I'll wear a better wedding dress than 
this. 

Pat. Vane. To-morrow we'll send for the praste. 

Mr. Oliver. To-morrow we'll have a wedding. 

Mrs. Oliver. To-morrow I shall be happier than I was to- 
day. 



40 LEAP-YEAR. 



Mrs. Vane. To-mon■o^Y I shall wear my handsomest silk. 
Miss. Sarah. To-moirow I shall go into the city and take 
my first step in the march of science. 

Pat. Vane. To-morrow we'll dance a regular shindig, 
Morris. To-morrow will give me my little Gladys. 

Curtain. 
THE END. 







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